Controversy with Civility

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." - Martin Luther King Jr.

Controversy is defined as "Involving differing opinions about an idea, however positions on the issue are not staked out, with one person hoping to win over the other... Controversy draws everyone into circle around the idea, to discuss their different perspectives on it... Controversy reflects a thoughtful and considered difference of opinion." The chapter focuses on maintaining perspective, and explains to us how controversy differs from conflict.  Conflict requires winners and losers, but as leaders, we must take advantage of controversy instead of conflict when we face a difference of opinions with our peers. Controversy is inevitable, because everyone is going to have different perspectives and opinions when it comes to certain situations.

One instance that I can reflect on is when our organization had our retreat a few weeks ago.  Our main focus for the day was to brainstorm different recruiting tactics to increase the number of men in our chapter.  Obviously everyone had their own ideas, and for the first half hour, ideas were brought to the table, and nobody believed the others' ideas were any good.  This type of controversy could have very easily become conflict, as students often believe an attack on their ideas becomes an attack on their personal self.  I saw this starting to escalate rather rapidly, and decided to do my best to step in.

I told the guys "It seemed like we have a lot of problems with recruiting as a collective group, so instead of focusing on the negatives of each and every idea that was brainstormed, lets start to think of solutions that could benefit us."

This helped calm everyone down, and we ended up coming together with some pretty bright ideas on recruiting, and everyone left the table in pretty good standing.  As the leader of my organization, it was my responsibility to ensure civility was maintained throughout our meeting, and this was one of my first encounters that I felt I handled the situation properly.

There have been plenty of situations that I reflect back on that I wish I would have read this chapter beforehand, or kept thicker skin because everyone could have walked away in a much better mood.  Everything from sitting down and giving my explanation on an answer I had on my exam to helping younger members of my varsity basketball program get acclimated to how things were done in "the Big Leagues" as we called it back then are situations I wish I could have handled better.

Now, while the book claims that this is one of the hardest parts about being a leader (handling controversy with civility) I would politely disagree.  I think it is fairly easy to step up and keep a level head when trying to understand conflicting perspectives. I would argue that trying to instill this characteristic in my members is one of the hardest parts about being president.  Finally I have had a break through with a few guys, and it is absolutely wonderful to sit and discuss with them because nobody takes anything said personally.  Once people understand controversy with civility, they are able to really dig deep and have conversations and debates that will improve the organization by leaps and bounds.

So as president, I am challenging myself to take what I have learned from this chapter, and really work hard to help my men understand the importance of separating person from beliefs, and how that will help them grow during their college experience.  The men of Chi Phi stand for truth, honor, and personal integrity, and since 1824, the organization has made it a point to "Build Better Men".  And as Dr. King has stated, a true measure of a man lies in his ability to handle controversy.